Hello Public,
Well, you sort of got back to me in the form of 250 views and 6 rates, but my last letter was by no means as well received as the Golden Corral Youtube guy -- who exposed the ribs by dumpster story. Not to devalue his work. I'll tell you a little story or secret or something, big P. I decided that buffets must not be attended. It's a long story, but basically we always start out so excited, and leave feeling full and frustrated. The last time sister and I went to an Indian Buffet, I said that vomitorium line again. Never fails. I always wish there was a vomitorium because buffets make me crazy. I suddenly think 7.99 should buy me more and more and more. When I get too full to take one more visit to the buffet I feel defeated. Did I overdue the Tikka Masala at the expense of the Saag Paneer? Did I err by filling up on Naan and losing steam even before the rice pudding? And, there is also that sudden recognition of the Seven Deadly sins. You can make all the excuses that a little gluttony is not such a bad thing, but it still feels all wrong to me to be a gross little glutton.
I could truly go on and on for hours about buffets, public, but again I feel as if I should heed the attention span warnings. If enough members of you insist that my insights on buffets demand follow up, I will oblige but otherwise--
So, the Golden Corral story really struck us when it flashed by on CNN. Why? Because though we swore off buffett as folly and even sin, the Golden Corral commercial with the unlimited wings and baby back ribs had seriously caused us to reconsider. I know you can care less but the three of us agree that unlimited baby back ribs is exciting. We all love Wings too, but it was the offer of unlimited baby back ribs that cemented a plan. The plan you ask. I’m assuming you are asking, public. If you are not just ignore. Or don't, I really can't keep worrying about what you think, public. I have important things to do! The plan was to go there and take advantage of this offer.
Wow. No need to be rude or accuse me of rambling about ribs. I have a point, ok? Whatever. I'm done.
Anyway, so we have a Golden Corrall on this main street here, a mile away from where I live. I swear to god, we were going to go yesterday, but at the last minute we were just not feeling hungry,and all agreed to go tomorrow. And, then …. CNN broke the story and you know the rest. Stock holders in Golden Corral are suffering and the buffet whistleblower will never work in any place that wants its dirty secrets kept.
Unless, of course, Golden Corral pays good money to institute a PR campaign where the shills are savvy enough to cleanse the imagery of raw baby backs ribs lounging by a stinky dumpster. I wonder if the unlimited chicken wings were stored by the toilet?The boy in the youtube said there were flies on the ribs. It will be awfully hard to reconcile the advertisement( wherein unlimited racks of pristine baby back ribs glisten only with bbq sauce) with the reality now released: Minimum wage workers standing idly by as buffet fare is contaminated, left and right. Better paid Managers ordering the lesser paids to serve you, the public, what amounts to Salmonella Sandwiches.
There is no good reason why I can't write you tommorow, public. I actually could write you anytime day or night. But, I don't want you to think me pushy, you sweet and pretty public.
Now, you think me insincere for calling you pretty and sweet? I assure you that I felt you pretty, and even sweet, at that exact moment. If I wanted to manipulate you I'd add sexy. But, I don't feel as if you are sexy so I didn't say it.
If you don't hear from me it's because I got food poisoning from the Chinese Buffett.Wish us luck.
Talk soon,
alisa spitzberg( according to google a tig notaro's "crazy stalker" but according to the truth of the matter-- a sane talker who got screwed by a sociopath with a super nefarious law firm....and the cast of characters led to a "perfect storm," where much rebuilding is still necessary.)
P.S. What questions would you pose to journalists? What stories seem to demand further investigation? Why do you think such questions aren't posed and such stories so undereported?
P.S 2: I'm kidding. I'll save it for our next communication.